do not be lulled by the dainty starlike blossoms
at the radiance tea house on 55th
we watch jasmine pearls unfold in our cups
meaty labial aroused
i tell you two stories about shame and rage:
there was no dinner for a week
after i mentioned liking girls
so i rode my bike to the jasmine takeaway
with stolen money and stared at koi carp
and a picture of a chinese river from above
while my chips were cooked—
quickly & without any shouting or crying—
and when the server came with my food
i was so ready for punishment i thought
her thank you sounded like fuck you
on a wooden table that widened
for christmas and collapsed for new year
i was told to eat until i could see the river
with the two people in conical hats
standing on a bridge at the bottom
of my blue bowl—the only one safe enough
to touch with my favorite spoon—
tricked every time into seconds
“and what do you say to your father?”
my fuck you sounded like thank you
Rachael Matthews is a psychotherapist working in New York, and previously worked as a radio newsreader. She was a runner-up in Mslexia’s 2013 Women’s Poetry Competition, judged by Kathleen Jamie.
Carol Ann Duffy says: I like the light humour of Matthews’ poem, the mix-up of ‘thank you’ and ‘fuck you’, and the capturing of childhood experiences with food and ritual. The use of lower case works to indicate that the poem is a fragment of memory.